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aidan walker

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[14 Oct 2016|01:58am]

After a disastrous interview a month ago, I've taught myself:

Edge Animate
InVision
Balsamiq
Ableton Live
-
And learned about:

Agile Project Management
SASS
Wireframing
Prototyping

...In short, there are positives to failure.

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[26 Jun 2016|01:37am]
I'll drown my beliefs
To have your babies
I'm not living
I'm just killing time
Your tiny hands
Your crazy kitten smile

And true love waits

In haunted attics
True love lives

On lollipops and crisps

Just, don't leave

Don't leave.
Don't leave.
Don't leave.

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[21 Jun 2016|08:26pm]

Oh, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
But your love Wrecks me.

But I can't let go.

I can't let go.

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[09 Dec 2015|01:53pm]
I lay you to bed, and then we fall finally asleep.
The riflemen salute the sky. Shots echo in the canyon; A scar in the land that won't heal.
And all I keep thinking is that, fuck, I'm gonna miss you.
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[21 Dec 2014|07:07pm]

2004 was a bad year, 2014 was a bad year, I am worried about 2024

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[27 Apr 2013|04:45pm]
I don't want to get a job
The only work I'm worthy for
Is Credit Card, Telesales,
Or even worse is door to door

And I don't want to fall in love
Can't have the girl that I adore
I'll hold her close
Breathe in her smell
She'll hold out for something more

When you're through with me
When you're through with me

I've lost my fucking appetite
It's somewhere in our common ground
The roots are seven foot below
I was the one who let them down

There was a time I used to
Dig, dig
Sockets spark and the tap's leaking
Leaked our sweet secrets and treats

And I'm the one who's left keeping:

A tide, a light, my ticking clock
Empty packet, worn out sock
In the kitchen on my own,
A washing line.
A fetid home.

Soapy hair
Running paint
Mouldy bowl
Show restraint
Optimistic every day,
Oh, make this feeling go away.
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[30 Mar 2013|05:32pm]
I've seen you laugh and cry, live and die
I follow you into obscurity
And there ain't no turning back
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[27 Aug 2012|10:15pm]
First I asked you for a kiss
Then I asked you for your mind
I asked you for your body
And I asked you for your life
(That seemed reasonable at the time)

You said "yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll share it all with you"
Even though you had your reservations
(God knows I had mine too)

I ain't asking you for a lot these days to be honest
I can't stand your guts
But I asked you now for just one word and
Even then you won't give me that much

And you can say what you want about us, babe
But we had a good thing goin' on.
I guess you don't realise that's the case
Till it's gone.
And I know I have to let you go and move on.
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[26 Mar 2012|03:55pm]
I was twenty one years when I wrote this song.
I'm twenty two now, but I won't be for long.
People ask when will you grow up to be a man,
But all the girls I loved at school
Are already pushing prams.
I loved you then, as I love you still,
Though I put you on a pedestal
They put you on the pill.
I don't feel bad about letting you go,
I just feel sad about letting you know.

I don't want to change the world
I'm not looking for a new England
I'm just looking for another girl

I loved the words you wrote to me
But that was fucking yesterday
I can't survive on what you send
Every time you need a friend
I saw two shooting stars last night
I wished on them but they were only satellites
I imagine myself as an intrinsic player
In truth: I wish, I wish you'd care

I don't want to change the world
I'm not looking for a new England
I'm just looking for another girl
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[13 Feb 2012|04:49pm]
I hate myself and I want to die.
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[28 Sep 2011|09:42pm]
Love is a pit
Where we spend our time
Falling in and out of
But mostly in.
And find it hard to
Get out
Again.
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[06 Sep 2011|02:34pm]
So, Livejournal, it's just me and you. Everyone else is gone. I know I claimed to have finished with you a few years ago, but let's be honest I've posted in you on numerous occasions since then.

Sexual analogies aside, I wonder why everyone interesting deleted their journals? I find it comforting and a little sad reading through old posts, but there's only so many times you can read your own. I'd really like to read Cayne's, Dale's, J Fitz, there was a couple of journals Pip deleted. Johny's were always good. Kirsty. In my head, they'd offer some kind of insight into that period in my life, spark memories I didn't even know I had.

I read a comment I'd posted on someone's journal about Halloween costumes, remarking on wearing a sticker with the word 'God' written on it. Apparently it was a reference to Buffy. I didn't even realise I knew that much about Buffy. I miss Cayne, sometimes.

I'm in my mid-twenties now, I've had the journal for almost ten years. Ten. Fucking. Years. I find myself reflecting on my life upto this point quite a lot just recently. I know it's a cliché, but it feels like ten minutes have passed since I was 18. I'm a different person in some ways but reading old entries makes me realise that I haven't changed all that much. I'm more mature, as is to be expected. I guess I found my identity and stopped prescribing to someone else's. I don't have many regrets, but oh, how I'd do things differently if given a second chance. I'm sorry $$$, you didn't deserve that. For what it's worth, I did love you in my own way, but I was a bully to you and I didn't really realise what I was doing. Idiot. That's my only real regret.

Anyway, Livejournal, here's to the last 9 years, and I'll keep writing in you till you are, inevitably, forced into bankruptcy by Facebook. I should really print you out before then. Ciao.
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[08 Jun 2011|11:12am]
Watching The Road... I read the book a few years back but watching the film has really upset me. How are you meant to come to terms with the death of your parents? Hopefully it's a long time before I have to deal with such things, but how are you meant to deal with it? I'm distraught at even the idea that they will one day die, given the nature of the film my mind is completely resonating with the prospect of my Dad's death. I'm arguably closer to my mother, but right now I'm thinking about him dying. I don't think I can reconcile it. I wouldn't know what to say. In a spiritual sense, how do you say goodbye to your creator?
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[01 Mar 2011|04:33am]
A biting itch grips my stomach. Noxious vapour oozes from the valve. A dull itch, and a swelling dread, and I will lie hungry tonight.
Shuddering blades throb overhead, the concrete reverberates.

“Inoculate virus at jurisdiction block C-16. Antibodies, report to Lower South Ventricle immediately”

The high-pitched reek of corruption punctuates each inhuman utterance from the machine. She is calm and calculating, and callous. And efficient.

“The seven year plan continues! Production has again exceeded demand. O, great provider! Our noble benefactors continue to improve the standard of living for all!”

----------------

As the numbness of sleep begins to take hold —
As the pillowed thump of unconsciousness begins to take hold —
A rolling drift begins to take hold —
I remember the dim red street-light most of all.
I was having the most amazing dream. A tiny thing was following me around. It was hilarious. All her actions, they made me smile. I don't know why. Blonde hair and. Oh.
I remember the dim red street-light most of all.
Fractures form in diagonals, as the grain (and the boot) permits. Muffled gutteralism gives way to tinnitus with each jarring snap.
As the door cracks open, all I can think about is the redlight, and the little girl. Oh, and the baton, which stops me thinking at all.

----------------
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[10 Feb 2011|03:48am]
We trudged through the remnants of a city, once great. The atmospheric processors made us forgetful, but not complacent. Bricks and blood, they built this city.
The boulevard was littered with legs and scanners. She asked me:
'When do they end?'
'When is a piece of string?'

Static; Screeching noise of termination. Static. The air makes me so incoherent. I was a doctor, once. Now, I'm a medic. Their city cannot hold us.



In our wake, sand breathes like winter's breath. There's a throbbing in the distance, of wiser folk than we; with gas-masks and truncheons. With no faces, or hearts, any more. A dumping thud reverberated our calcium. A dumping thud. A thud. Thud. Thud.
Our sweating patch of earth bubbled as the chitinous yellow of a creature emerged. Its slender and gruesome spectacle slid into existence, its congregation dispersing. Thud.
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[07 Nov 2009|03:17am]
Radiohead are fucking amazing.

Sit down, stand up.
Walk into the jaws of hell.

Sarah, I wish I could have appreciated this album (Hail to the Thief) whilst I knew you, cos I know we would have had plenty to talk about. PS If you are reading this, do you like Thom Yorke's 'The Eraser'?
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[04 Sep 2009|03:35am]
I was just ordered, whilst playing Day of Defeat (a game about World War 2), to watch my language (i.e. typed language). Now to be fair, I am not an advocate of obscenity, but the word in question was 'damn'. I used it in the sentence 'Damn you, (guy who killed me)!'.
Apparently, the justification in asking me to watch my language was in case kids were playing.
So, in the eyes of these (American, I might add) morons it is o.k. to let a child play a game where the soul objective is murder, simulating the greatest atrocity the human race has ever seen, but if they see the word 'damn', well that's just unacceptable.

If I'd said 'fuck your cock-shit eating twat of a bitch-slut mother' I could have understood. I assume these people are christians. Fucking christians!
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[07 Jun 2009|02:51am]
so i've found that MDMA can be pretty similar to LSD in many ways xxxxxxxxxxxx
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[06 Jun 2009|05:00am]
The most boring news report is the mirror.
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[12 May 2009|08:15pm]
Go away girl, go away
and let me pack my dreams
Now where did I put those yesteryears
made up with broken seams
Where shall I sweep the pieces
my God they still look new
There's a taxi waiting at the door
but there's only room for you

-Spike Milligan
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